


Back In Time

by cloudfully



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anime, Brother Feels, Brotherly Love, Canon - Anime, Dark, Drama, Family Drama, Hetalia, Historical Hetalia, Historical References, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Manga & Anime, Other, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7606111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudfully/pseuds/cloudfully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes dreams are worth more than life...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back In Time

**Author's Note:**

> Since I am quite a newbie, I would like to say thanks for checking this out :)

Yao wished he could go back in time. To replay his mistakes for him to correct, even the small misunderstood twitches that grew the rift between them. He knew how fruitless his wish was, but it shed an inkling of light in his dark despair.

He was fighting a war. A long painful one. Each clang of a sword, each scream of pain drove deep into Yao, reminding him who the enemy is. The boy who grew out of the cage Yao created for him. Kiku Honda. He was fighting his own brother. How many times had he tried to plead, to threaten, or to compromise with Kiku. Each time it just seemed to cause more trouble. How many nights has he went without a peaceful sleep. All the normalcy before seems to be a far off fairy tale. 

As dark thoughts sped through his mind, he was brought back to reality by the urgent call of his name.  
"Yes?"  
Yao answered, half dazed. He finally relinquished his tense gaze at an innocent chair.

"Your majesty, has done a huge amount of work. I urge you to rest to prepare for the fight tomorrow."  
The gray haired, servant said. His voice was pitiful, almost as if he attempted to comfort the gloomy emperor. 

Yao simply nodded, brushing away the man’s tone of voice. He had almost drifted to sleep in his seat, and was content to spending another night in his cursed makeshift throne, if it wasn't for the gray haired servant urging him to rest at his chambers. The room that had been hastily made for the Emperor, who insisted to be at the heart of the bloodbath.

In a completely foggy state, Yao stumbled into bed, ignoring the fact that his shoes were still on his feet. In seconds he drifted of to a deep slumber that resembled a fretful coma. Then, the darkness gave way to light. His eyelids fluttered at the sudden abrasion. As his sight slowly caught up with the current situation, his sense of smell caught the crisp scent of a blooming meadow.  
His eyes opened to a vast field. Immediately he recognized the place. It was beyond familiar; it was his second home. The wavy grass that tickled the infinite ski brought a pang of nostalgia to Yao. He took a step, and wondered why he felt so weightless.

He was left with only seconds to ponder his question before a small voice caught his attention. He turned around, to be greeted by a young boy carrying a small pinwheel. He was clothed in an ancient Japanese clothing that was disturbingly similar to the one Kiku wore when he was young.  
Instinctively, Yao kneeled down.

"Yao-nii! Where were you?!"  
The small boy whined, his eyes moist from tears. From his reddened lips, Yao deduced that the boy had fought quite determinedly against the tears.

"I-i'm sorry."  
Yao said hesitantly, unsure what else to say. This boy seemed so familiar.

"Yao-nii are you ok? I'm not that mad."  
The youth said worriedly, his eyes mirroring his confusion. Gingerly, he patted Yao on the head. The gesture almost brought Yao to tears. His mouth opened to whisper the name that became a taboo, but he stopped himself. He was too terrified of the consequences of digging up the precious name. Yet, he felt an urging. It came from the dark recesses of his mind, a part of him that was buried underneath the bloodied bodies. It urged him to say the forbidden word. It promised him great comfort. It promised him the times when he was still himself. It was too tempting for him.

"Kiku?"  
Yao asked, breathless. His voice came out shaky from the inner battle he had. With a thudding heart, his hands reached slowly for the boy.

The young boy cocked a confused eye, before blatantly taking Yao’s quivering hand.  
"What?"  
The boy said, bluntly.  
“What’s wrong Yao-nii? You’re acting weird.”

Before Yao knew it he was clinging on to the small frame, crying out months of withheld tears. His mouth moved, repeatedly apologizing, before he could stop himself. At this moment, he was beyond confused as to why he was here. Or how he got here in the first place. But he couldn’t find the time to care, as he rambled on and on about all of his bottled up thoughts. A small part of him warned him that he wasn’t in his right mind, that in the moments of his slumber he finally succumbed to his sinister persona. The part of him that wanted to shout obscenities at the wretched world. But he knew he wasn’t crazy. Yet. It was a dream. A blessing sent from a bored god that wondered how far a mind can be pushed before it gave up. And it was getting close to that point. Yao would happily trade his last breath for a lifetime in this false world. The little worried pats from Kiku gave him the confirmation he needed. He gave the boy a bone-crunching squeeze, before pulling reluctantly away.

"I'm sorry."  
Yao whispered hoarsely, his jubilant eyes contradicting with his grieving tone

"What's wrong? I told you I'm not mad anymore."  
Kiku murmured, his eyes brimming with worry. 

All Yao could manage was a slight nod, before apologizing again. He knew apologizing to the boy before him would not help anymore than apologizing to the actual person. He has caused something far too heavy and deep to be simply filled in with an apology. He looked at the happy young boy before him and wondered when did he changed. When was he pushed past his limit. But this was Yao’s dream. It was his paradise. He’d reap every inkling of joy from this before he’d make his inevitable departure. He’ll continue to apologize. For the second time in his lifetime, he’ll cling onto the young boy too tight and for too long. 

"Yao-nii are you sick, you're scaring me."  
Kiku said, now rubbing small circles on Yao's back, a gesture that Yao had ingrained in him over their time together.

Yao smiled, his opened mouth catching the tears that had been spilling without his consent. 

"I'm fine."  
Yao said.  
"I love you."  
He added. He noticed a small blush forming on Kiku's cheek. It was unnerving him how much he relished the speck of emotion from the would-be stoic boy.

"Yao-nii! You promised you wouldn't embarrass me!"  
Kiku mumbled, his lips pouting in discontentment.

Yao chuckled softly. Ages ago, he made that promise. He didn’t keep it though, just like the majority of the promises he made.

"But no one is here aru."  
Yao countered, his tone just as childish.

Kiku simply stuck his tongue out at Yao, smacking the elder lightly with his pinwheel.

Yao sighed contently, his eyes ingraining every detail of young Kiku. Since, it was only time before his blessing was used up. His dream would end, and the time where everything glowed would be gone. He’d be taken back to the darkened rooms, and vile smelling fields. He winced at that thought.

"Can I stay with you forever.”  
Yao stated, his eyes slowly losing the momentary light.

Kiku giggled softly.  
"What are you saying? You have to!."  
Kiku chirped expectantly, earning an endearing smile from the elder.

Yao hugged Kiku.  
‘I have to…’  
He thought ruefully. It was a painfully ironic phrase coming from him. But hearing those comforting words from Kiku, numbed his despair. He’ll let himself be delusional. Yet again he clung onto his younger brother. He progressively hugged tighter and tighter.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I knew how suffocated you were, but I… I was selfish. I didn’t want you to grow up. I’m sorry."  
Yao whispered, finally confessing the words that were choked at his throat. "W-will you forgive me?"

He listened with a bated breath for a reply. The reply that could be the key to release his lingering guilt. He breathed in the sweet scent of the field, and hugged Kiku tighter. Yao began to urge Kiku for an answer in his impatience, but he stopped. The warm body slowly lost it’s heat. His hands gradually shrunk with the lost of contact.

Yao closed his eyes.  
‘No. Don't wake up.’  
He pleaded.

He hugged the fading body tighter. He squeezed his eyes tighter together, stubbornly refusing the growing reality.

"No."  
Yao shrieked, his voice cracked and weak.

"No.. Just a little longer..please."  
He cried, clinging desperately to the small flaky pieces, that became soaked in salty tears.

His eyes opened, the waterfall finally was released down his cheeks. The last flickering pieces of his dream, dissolved away. The scene that replaced it was a desolate wall, that was darkened even more by the dim lighting.

Yao covered his eyes with his hand, wiping the tears. He wanted to go back, and stay there. Reality seems to brutal compared to the peaceful dream.

“I’m sorry…”  
Yao whispered.

The sound of metal tearing against skin intensified, until it drowned out the panicking Chinese voices.

Maybe he could sleep again.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think! And thanks for reading!


End file.
